If you have no boundaries in your relationships with people, be it family, friends, neighbors or strangers – You would be taken advantaged of…people would have little to no regard for you.
How do you know when you need to set boundaries?
Here are 5 Prime Ways which reveals you don’t have boundaries:
1. You pay all the bills
John was an elderly, retired gentleman, who purchased lunch for his nephew, Ronnie, every school day…sometimes even on Saturdays, too…with lunch costing anywhere between $8. – $10. U.S. per day, and approximately $200. – $235. U.S. per month.
John did not offer to do this deed on his own, or committed himself to do so voluntarily.
It just happened one time…and then another time…and then another time…until it became a habit for Ronnie to ask his uncle to buy him lunch. And he asked him to do so every day for years.
This put a great financial strain on John since he was living purely on his pension, which was just $1,000. U.S. a month.
Imagine this one expense took almost 25 percent of John’s pension, every month, and he did not say anything about it. He allowed it. Not because he wanted to, but because he was afraid to do otherwise. He was afraid of Ronnie’s parents.
John did this not because his nephew was poor or struggling financially.
On the contrary, Ronnie’s parents held top jobs in the respective companies they worked for, and were well-to-do people. They were in the upper-class, financially.
My friend, unfortunately this story is not an isolated story. Because similar stories and incidents like John’s are happening daily…right around us.
I am sure you can also recall similar incidents.
Maybe you are such a person like John. And John’s situation is just a reflection of yours.
These kind of persons who take advantage of good-natured people are called ‘Takers’.
And they don’t show remorse for their behavior, or sad to say, even think they are doing anything wrong. And are very bold about it.
This reminds me of David.
David was an affable, soft-spoken individual who cared about others.
However this disposition made him a prime target on the job for abuse.
Every working day David’s co-workers would ask David to go to the company’s canteen for them to get breakfast for them, each one placing their orders with him, without giving him a dime to pay for those orders, but yet boldly expected David to pay for these orders, daily. Even though they received a bigger salary than David and could well-afford to pay for their own breakfasts.
But David continued to support these ‘spongers’. Inwardly resenting every moment of it, but forcing a smile to make his co-workers believe he was OK with it. Because he did not want to hurt their feelings.
This was pure advantage by his co-workers.
They did not care about David, and did not consider how he was going to get the money to pay for their breakfast every morning.
All they cared about was themselves.
2. When You wait in vain
Have you ever had to wait to pick up someone at work (as a favor,) to take them to their home (friend or family), only to find out they had already gotten a drop from someone else and did not have the courtesy to inform you that they did…And had you waiting indefinitely like a ‘bo-bo-lee’ for them until someone else (security guard or co-worker) told you they had already left?
Yes, these individual know who to do this to: People with tender hearts and a soft personality.
Have you ever suffered such inconsideration?
If you did, I understand how you feel. I had been there several times also.
3. You call people who supposed to be calling you on your birthday.
Do you understand what I mean by the above statement?
You know you are not the kind of person who sets boundaries when you call friends and family (who knows when your birthday is) on your birthday, instead of them calling you to wish you a ‘Happy Birthday’.
And not only so, but you also do all the sponsoring for your birthday get-togethers or parties.
Is this you?
Feel free to share your experiences in the comments.
4. When you allow people to speak to you and treat you how they want – with total disrespect. And you don’t say anything about it. You absorb such treatment. And keep all your hurt feelings simmering within.
I believe this is self-explanatory.
We teach people how to treat us.
5. People keep borrowing money from you without ever paying back.
This is a big one.
Setting boundaries can affect you financially. And it does.
I am sure you know what I mean.
I am positive you are either a victim of this treatment or you know people who are.
One of the signs you are not setting boundaries is when you allow others to keep borrowing money from you without paying you back. And yet, you still lend them money each time they return to borrow money from you, even though you know they will not pay you back.
While others who see this happening to you, over and over again, calls you ‘…….’ for allowing this to happen, and not putting a stop to it.
These are just a few signs you are not setting boundaries.
And even though there are more signs of the malady, the above is enough to wake you up and inspire you to change.
And change you must. Or else you will remain a victim of inconsiderate people, and be a target which human ‘vultures’ spot from a distance and prey on.
Set boundaries my friend.